“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams