“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.