What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.