This foundation is rock salad.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I hope for world peas.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I yam what I yam.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Everybody romaine calm.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I think therefore I yam.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Time to celery-brate.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What a spud muffin.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.