What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.