An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack‬
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.