Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.