Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.