What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.