I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.