What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone