What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.