What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.