What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
You are aged to perfection.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
They say everything gets better with age.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You feta have a gouda birthday.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.