I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.