Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.