What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.