I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
They log off.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte