How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
Hear about the race between the Yeti and the Sasquatch?
The Sasquatch won, by a big foot.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What do you call witches who live together?
Broom-mates.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!