What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.